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waterscrollHunh, I seem to have produced yet another fic. This one deals with some of the same themes as the previous one but from a bit of a different angle:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/19946509
It's set on the Sanan route after the first blood drinking. Very shippy, very dubcon-y, and rated E for being the most graphic thing I've written in the fandom yet.
1. I really enjoyed writing this fic and right now I like it a lot but I have a feeling I'll be embarrassed by it when I look at it again in a few months or years. This is definitely the creepiest good!Sanan I've written.
2. I realized writing this that the reason I keep headcanoning him as formerly celibate is that some of his self-hate reads (to me) as sexual repression. And some of his bad behavior reminds me of the thing where, someone is convinced their desires are terrible so they act them out in a maximally terrible way, because what difference does it make? So I guess this is another way Chizuru helps him, he can reason A: Chizuru is Good B: Chizuru likes kinky sex C: Therefore, it is possible to like kinky sex and be good. Or at least not be maximally terrible.
3. I'm still thinking about the blood drinking dubcon thing, and I think if I apply it to other routes it could also generate some interesting fic. Right now I'm thinking about Hijikata in particular, who definitely did not want to be drinking Chizuru's blood. I think for the dudes it's kind of a classic fuck or die scenario, but they also really never get a choice, when they are having bloodlust and Chizuru offers blood they have to take it. It's not clear that they have the physical ability to refuse. For Sanan it's more complicated because he definitely *does* want to drink Chizuru's blood and has for a long time, but the way it happened undercut his sense of competence and ability to be in control. It was interesting to think about and I might come back to it.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/19946509
It's set on the Sanan route after the first blood drinking. Very shippy, very dubcon-y, and rated E for being the most graphic thing I've written in the fandom yet.
1. I really enjoyed writing this fic and right now I like it a lot but I have a feeling I'll be embarrassed by it when I look at it again in a few months or years. This is definitely the creepiest good!Sanan I've written.
2. I realized writing this that the reason I keep headcanoning him as formerly celibate is that some of his self-hate reads (to me) as sexual repression. And some of his bad behavior reminds me of the thing where, someone is convinced their desires are terrible so they act them out in a maximally terrible way, because what difference does it make? So I guess this is another way Chizuru helps him, he can reason A: Chizuru is Good B: Chizuru likes kinky sex C: Therefore, it is possible to like kinky sex and be good. Or at least not be maximally terrible.
3. I'm still thinking about the blood drinking dubcon thing, and I think if I apply it to other routes it could also generate some interesting fic. Right now I'm thinking about Hijikata in particular, who definitely did not want to be drinking Chizuru's blood. I think for the dudes it's kind of a classic fuck or die scenario, but they also really never get a choice, when they are having bloodlust and Chizuru offers blood they have to take it. It's not clear that they have the physical ability to refuse. For Sanan it's more complicated because he definitely *does* want to drink Chizuru's blood and has for a long time, but the way it happened undercut his sense of competence and ability to be in control. It was interesting to think about and I might come back to it.
