fannish things I am having trouble concentrating on right now

[waterscroll]

Between kid and work I am busy and overwhelmed but I *do* have time. Getting engaged with something fannish would be hugely helpful right now. But, I am having trouble focusing on, well, anything really. When I have down time I endlessly refresh the New York Times, which is not a good idea because the news isn't going to get any better the more I look at it.

I am still keeping up with SLBP and IkeSen. In SLBP I'm enjoying the Kyoichiro route enough to get frustrated at only having five chapters a day. The MC is competent and goal-oriented and their relationship is collegial and practical. Also, after all these routes watching rich people do dumb wars that get lots of people killed I am pretty ready to watch someone rob the rich and give to the needy. In IkeSen I'm on the Shingen route, which is a fluffier version of the SLBP Shingen route and I'm not super-engaged by it but enough to keep clicking.

Things that I would like to regain energy to read/watch/play/focus on:
1. Guardians, which Scytale told me about, and I watched half an episode of before deciding that I am interested in watching more but can't focus enough.
2. Dororo, an excellent (but very dark) historical fantasy anime that I was about halfway through before the world changed.
3. Gintama, a completely different historical sci-fi/fantasy AU anime, that I was about twelve episodes into (out of about 400).
4. Three visual novels on my 'to-read' list on my computer: Nameless, A Foretold Affair and Angels With Scaly Wings.

There's also a new season of Doctor Who that I haven't watched any of, and I think the terrible new Star Wars movie is available for streaming (and it being terrible isn't a reason not to watch it), and Scytale gave me a good reason to give The Expanse another try.

Being able to distract myself with *something* fannish would help a great deal right now, I think, and five chapters per day of SLBP are just not enough. So, how to focus enough to make that happen? Any ideas?

Comments

[alias_sqbr]

I've realised a big problem for me is that my brain goes "why expend the energy on concentrating on this when it won't have any benefit, and might make me feel worse?". So the trick is to have a reliable benefit, and small mental energy cost/risk:

Dividing the watch into small chunks as possible. One episode at a time, or even half episodes, and then taking a break.

Making "watch a small chunk of this" a mental to-do, without expecting to enjoy it. Then I get a reliable little dopamine hit of "I did something on my to do list", even when anhedonia sucks the joy out of watching, and a lot of the time once I start watching I do enjoy it, or it at least gets me closer to the parts I'll enjoy. Sometimes "I'll write a summary/review" works the same way.

Doing something else while watching, though that only works with stuff in English. I play plotless puzzle games.

Looking up spoilers if something is making me tense or annoyed, and skipping past that section if it's too much.

Figuring out things which calm my brain down (meditation, puzzle games, getting a hug), and doing those as setup before anything more emotionally strenuous.

I don't know if any of this is helpful for you, but good luck!

[waterscroll]

This is hugely helpful, thank you!

"why expend the energy on concentrating on this when it won't have any benefit, and might make me feel worse?"

Yes! And the, well, I don't have a lot to give right now, so what if this turns out not to be worth the investment? There is a logical answer to both these thoughts, which is that getting invested in a story is likely to make me feel better in the medium term, and that I might need to try out a few stories to find the right one, and I won't find the right one by not trying any. But that can be hard to remember in the moment.

I like the idea of making it part of my daily to-dos. There's a part of me that resists making 'consume entertainment' a to-do, but having someone else tell me it's a good idea really helps make the case for it. And also to stop asking myself every five minutes if this is a good use of my time, I'm sure that's going a long way towards making me enjoy things less.

[alias_sqbr]

Yeah I have to think of it as a numbers game: whether or not this specific thing is enjoyable, the only way to find enjoyable stuff is to try a bunch of new things, so every attempt is a success at trying, even if it's not a success as an enjoyable thing.

And relaxing and looking after your own mental health is a very important use of your time!

[scytale]

Not sure if this applies to you, but one thing I'm finding is that a lot of the event/environmental cues that made me want to do things are messed up right now. So for instance, commute + dinner or coming home after a long weekend usually made my brain want to watch TV. I don't really have a good solution for that, but one thing I'm finding is that it's easier for me to start new shows/games than to continue the old ones. And that transitions between activities are helpful but also so much harder to do - I haven't figured this out yet, but I've been trying a mix of tea, petting a cat, lying down for a bit, or looking out for a window.

Some things that have been helping me with doing things right now:

- I've started using the app Forest, not for fandom specifically but for "I want to do this [non-work] thing, but starting is hard". It's essentially a timer app, but with gamification via growing cute little pixel trees. Having everything be time-bound makes everything feel less overwhelming, and I'm proud of my cute little trees.

- Mixing entertainment with socializing time. I'm still more-or-less able to keep up with SLBP because I come and talk to you about it. The TV show I'm most successful at watching right now is one my mom recommended me, because it gives me something to text her about. (I actually livetext her while watching it, which also helps add an additional level of entertainment?)

One other thought: do you have an idea of what is making SLBP or IkeSen something you can still keep up with (the length, the small chunks, the milestones around skill points or chapter completion)? Are there any ways you can make reading/watching/playing more like that?

(On an unrelated note, Nameless and Gintama are on my list too. And Dororo looks interesting.)

[waterscroll]

a lot of the event/environmental cues that made me want to do things are messed up right now. So for instance, commute + dinner or coming home after a long weekend usually made my brain want to watch TV.

Yes, that is a great point. I used to do a lot of my reading and game playing on my commute. It might be a matter of finding new routines and sticking to them, but self-generated routines are always harder than externally generated ones.

I'm also finding that some of the things I was watching or reading pre-pandemic aren't working for me now. My life is so different, it makes sense that different things would resonate.

I think what keeps me going with SLBP and IkeSen is just that I have to use the five chapter tickets or I'll lose them. Also there's that little addictive hit every time I win a princess lesson. And yeah, coming here to talk about them also really helps.

Dororo is very good but it is extremely dark and bleak. It's a good counterpoint to SLBP and IkeSen, it's set during the same time period but mostly centered on the reality of peasants and homeless people and when Samurai show up it's usually to commit some atrocity or random violence. And it's very Buddhist, both implicitly (the good characters are doing what they can to alleviate suffering) and explicitly (some of the characters are devout Buddhists and talk about it).

[scytale]

It might be a matter of finding new routines and sticking to them, but self-generated routines are always harder than externally generated ones.

Yeah, definitely. :( And it's hard to generate routines without the combination of boredom-without-lots-of-anxiety and the feeling of reward afterwards.


I'm also finding that some of the things I was watching or reading pre-pandemic aren't working for me now. My life is so different, it makes sense that different things would resonate.

Yeah! I think for me the old things are also harder to start, because it's a minor reminder of Things Before. I haven't made any progress on Guardian since the pandemic, for instance, and I'm sure I would still love it but the idea of starting it is minorly painful. And maybe my brain is also craving lots of novelty right now.

Also there's that little addictive hit every time I win a princess lesson.

Gamification apps/todo lists could help with that, maybe? Or rewarding yourself with tea/other small, nice things when you finish a fandom thing.

And yeah, coming here to talk about them also really helps.

I am happy to talk to you about any of the things you decide to watch/play/read (and to be sold on any of the things I'm not yet watching/playing).

Dororo sounds lovely. :O I'm always on the lookout for more Buddhist media.