ficlets: The She-Wolves of Mibu, part 3
May. 3rd, 2020 10:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
waterscrollHakuouki genderbending AU continued from here and here. This installment is Heisuke and Saito leaving the Shinsengumi to follow Itou (who is also a woman in this universe). I threw out the 200-word limit on this set because I wanted to more or less transcribe the entire scene with inverted genders.
5. Heisuke
Chizuru ran to find Heisuke and Saito as they were leaving. He wanted to know why they were leaving the Shinsengumi and why they had decided to follow Itou. Heisuke scratched at her nose, looked down awkwardly, and explained, “Well, Itou and I were from the same school. She’s my senior, obviously. She joined the Shinsengumi because I invited her. So I feel like I’m obligated to stick with her.”
The Shingengumi was the first women's militia but some few women had found their way into mostly-male dojos, Itou and Heisuke among them. Chizuru thought of what it must have been like for Heisuke as a girl, before she came to the Shinsengumi, and what a teacher like Itou must have done for her. It made sense that Heisuke would want to stick with her, after everything they’d been through together. But Chizuru still wanted Heisuke to stay.
“I’m not one of Itou’s followers,” Heisuke said, “but I was and am a national imperialist.” There was something in her profile that seemed heartbreakingly lonely, but her mouth was a hard line. Her mind was made up. But it was hard for Chizuru to care. Heisuke had been his best friend since he’d joined the Shinsengumi, had always been there for her, and it didn’t make sense that she was leaving, even for an old friend.
“Aren’t we your friends?” Chizuru asked. There was still time, if he could convince her...
“Don’t say that,” Heisuke said. “It took a lot of time, and lot of hard thinking, to make this decision.”
The firmness of Heisuke’s statement, so unlike her usual hesitation, made Chizuru stop and listen. “Do you really think you could fight your friends, like Saito?” Chizuru asked, frightened that the answer might be yes. He never wanted to be Heisuke’s enemy.
“I, um,” she said. She was honest and straightforward but didn’t have a way with words like some of the other women of the Shinsengumi. “Hey,” she said. “Why don’t we go to the courtyard?”
They sat down on a bench together in the warm sunlight. “I know that...everybody...doesn’t like Itou too much,” Heisuke said. “But I don’t think she’s wrong, at least not completely. I don’t think there’s much of a future if we continue doing what the shogunate says. I’m sure we’re only disposable pawns for the shogunate’s higher-ups.”
All of Chizuru’s being ached at the thought of Heisuke leaving him. He couldn’t help but admire her determination, her insistance, on not being a pawn and on finding her own path. But was it possible for her? Was it possible for any of them?
“I spent a lot of time talking with Itou,” Heisuke said, “about the corruption of the shogunate and how bad a state Japan is in right now.” Chizuru couldn’t help wondering about the years Heisuke and Itou had spend going from dojo to dojo trying to find a place that would accept two women. Perhaps they’d seen more corruption than most. Or worse things than corruption. “I don’t think that Itou is right about everything, but I do think that Itou is taking what’s going on right now into consideration. And seeing how Itou reacted last night, it opened my eyes.”
And there it was. Chizuru’s own father had developed the fury serum, but the way it was sent here, of all places, showed just how much the shogunate valued its militia of women fighters. They weren’t just pawns, they were bodies to be used. Even a brave woman like Heisuke was nothing to the shogunate but a tool.
“I think we stopped questioning those things,” Heisuke said. “It just became part of what we had to accept. But what if we don’t have to accept it?”
“Heisuke,” Chizuru said. He didn’t want to stop her anymore. How could he?
“I just want you to know one thing, though,” Heisuke said. “It doesn’t mean I’m not your friend. I just want you to know that.”
“I know,” Chizuru said. “I just wanted to stay with you a little longer.” Heisuke was going to go, there was no reason not to be honest.
“Thanks,” Heisuke said, and her smile was like the sun. “It’s good to know you feel that way.”
In another universe, they could have been matched by their fathers and Heisuke would have been the most beautiful bride in all of Japan. It sits unspoken between them, that this universe isn’t the one they live in and never will be, and Heisuke is going to keep pushing back against this bad universe until it gets better, and they might never see each other again.
And maybe, Chizuru thought, maybe if he took Heisuke in his arms and kissed her, maybe she would stay. So he didn’t do it. “Thank you for telling me how you really feel,” he said, instead, and watched Heisuke’s smile return. Chizuru kept the memory of Heisuke’s smile with him for a long time.
6. Saito
“Joining Itou and her soldiers serves my own ambition,” Saito said. “Kondo and Hijikata are mistaken. The expulsion of the foreign influence can no longer be left to the Shogunate. If I must set my feelings for the Shinsengumi aside to fulfil my own ambitions then I will.”
It almost made sense to Chizuru, but not quite. Saito had been Chizuru’s ally and even, if he could say so, friend. “How could you do this?” he blurted out. “We’ve been together for so long. Now you’re just going to abandon us?” He hadn’t intended it, but all that came out of his mouth were accusations.
“Because we worked together once, we must always work together?” Saito asked, her voice dangerous. “Do you believe that I should stay here out of a sense of sisterhood? One must master their emotions or be mastered by them. To let emotion guide my judgement is the beginning of the end.”
Had Saito destroyed her own heart to become a warrior? But Chizuru knew it wasn’t just that. For Saito, being a warrior was the full expression of what she truly was. How could it be at odds with her emotions?
“Can you ignore your feelings so easily?” Chizuru asked.
Saito stood with Chizuru for a moment and then moved silently towards one of the blossoming cherry trees that covered the temple grounds. “How many of these blossoms have I seen since I came to Kyoto?” Saito said. There was a sadness in her eyes, it seemed, although it might have been Chizuru’s imagination. “As time passes, things change. The world, people’s ideas, even the Shinsengumi.” She reached out gently and let a single petal fall on to her palm.
“Are we changing too?” Chizuru asked. “Is that why you’re leaving, because we’ve changed?”
Chizuru knew that he had changed so much since coming to the Shinsengumi. But it wasn’t all change. There was something that had stayed the same, something between them, and that mattered too.
Saito didn’t answer, only looked up at the cherry trees. Nothing Chizuru could say would mattter, her mind was already made up. “Even so,” she said at last, with a small smile, “that does not mean that everything must change. As times change, and as life changes with it, there are some things that do not change. I believe in those things that do not change.”
None of this completely made sense, or explained why Saito had to go with Itou. But as long as Saito did not change, as long as she was still a woman who could look at cherry blossoms and smile, Chizuru thought that he could still endure. As long as Saito doesn't change, Chizuru knew that he could also stay what he was.
Chizuru had learned from Saito that strength and certainty of purpose go beyond whether one is a man or a woman, whether one draws one's sword with the right or the left hand. Surely it can bridge the distance between the Shinsengumi and the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb. If so, perhaps their hearts, steadfast in purpose, could in some sense remain together.
He asked for the petal from Saito’s hand. When she was gone, Chizuru kept it in a locket, close to his heart.
5. Heisuke
Chizuru ran to find Heisuke and Saito as they were leaving. He wanted to know why they were leaving the Shinsengumi and why they had decided to follow Itou. Heisuke scratched at her nose, looked down awkwardly, and explained, “Well, Itou and I were from the same school. She’s my senior, obviously. She joined the Shinsengumi because I invited her. So I feel like I’m obligated to stick with her.”
The Shingengumi was the first women's militia but some few women had found their way into mostly-male dojos, Itou and Heisuke among them. Chizuru thought of what it must have been like for Heisuke as a girl, before she came to the Shinsengumi, and what a teacher like Itou must have done for her. It made sense that Heisuke would want to stick with her, after everything they’d been through together. But Chizuru still wanted Heisuke to stay.
“I’m not one of Itou’s followers,” Heisuke said, “but I was and am a national imperialist.” There was something in her profile that seemed heartbreakingly lonely, but her mouth was a hard line. Her mind was made up. But it was hard for Chizuru to care. Heisuke had been his best friend since he’d joined the Shinsengumi, had always been there for her, and it didn’t make sense that she was leaving, even for an old friend.
“Aren’t we your friends?” Chizuru asked. There was still time, if he could convince her...
“Don’t say that,” Heisuke said. “It took a lot of time, and lot of hard thinking, to make this decision.”
The firmness of Heisuke’s statement, so unlike her usual hesitation, made Chizuru stop and listen. “Do you really think you could fight your friends, like Saito?” Chizuru asked, frightened that the answer might be yes. He never wanted to be Heisuke’s enemy.
“I, um,” she said. She was honest and straightforward but didn’t have a way with words like some of the other women of the Shinsengumi. “Hey,” she said. “Why don’t we go to the courtyard?”
They sat down on a bench together in the warm sunlight. “I know that...everybody...doesn’t like Itou too much,” Heisuke said. “But I don’t think she’s wrong, at least not completely. I don’t think there’s much of a future if we continue doing what the shogunate says. I’m sure we’re only disposable pawns for the shogunate’s higher-ups.”
All of Chizuru’s being ached at the thought of Heisuke leaving him. He couldn’t help but admire her determination, her insistance, on not being a pawn and on finding her own path. But was it possible for her? Was it possible for any of them?
“I spent a lot of time talking with Itou,” Heisuke said, “about the corruption of the shogunate and how bad a state Japan is in right now.” Chizuru couldn’t help wondering about the years Heisuke and Itou had spend going from dojo to dojo trying to find a place that would accept two women. Perhaps they’d seen more corruption than most. Or worse things than corruption. “I don’t think that Itou is right about everything, but I do think that Itou is taking what’s going on right now into consideration. And seeing how Itou reacted last night, it opened my eyes.”
And there it was. Chizuru’s own father had developed the fury serum, but the way it was sent here, of all places, showed just how much the shogunate valued its militia of women fighters. They weren’t just pawns, they were bodies to be used. Even a brave woman like Heisuke was nothing to the shogunate but a tool.
“I think we stopped questioning those things,” Heisuke said. “It just became part of what we had to accept. But what if we don’t have to accept it?”
“Heisuke,” Chizuru said. He didn’t want to stop her anymore. How could he?
“I just want you to know one thing, though,” Heisuke said. “It doesn’t mean I’m not your friend. I just want you to know that.”
“I know,” Chizuru said. “I just wanted to stay with you a little longer.” Heisuke was going to go, there was no reason not to be honest.
“Thanks,” Heisuke said, and her smile was like the sun. “It’s good to know you feel that way.”
In another universe, they could have been matched by their fathers and Heisuke would have been the most beautiful bride in all of Japan. It sits unspoken between them, that this universe isn’t the one they live in and never will be, and Heisuke is going to keep pushing back against this bad universe until it gets better, and they might never see each other again.
And maybe, Chizuru thought, maybe if he took Heisuke in his arms and kissed her, maybe she would stay. So he didn’t do it. “Thank you for telling me how you really feel,” he said, instead, and watched Heisuke’s smile return. Chizuru kept the memory of Heisuke’s smile with him for a long time.
6. Saito
“Joining Itou and her soldiers serves my own ambition,” Saito said. “Kondo and Hijikata are mistaken. The expulsion of the foreign influence can no longer be left to the Shogunate. If I must set my feelings for the Shinsengumi aside to fulfil my own ambitions then I will.”
It almost made sense to Chizuru, but not quite. Saito had been Chizuru’s ally and even, if he could say so, friend. “How could you do this?” he blurted out. “We’ve been together for so long. Now you’re just going to abandon us?” He hadn’t intended it, but all that came out of his mouth were accusations.
“Because we worked together once, we must always work together?” Saito asked, her voice dangerous. “Do you believe that I should stay here out of a sense of sisterhood? One must master their emotions or be mastered by them. To let emotion guide my judgement is the beginning of the end.”
Had Saito destroyed her own heart to become a warrior? But Chizuru knew it wasn’t just that. For Saito, being a warrior was the full expression of what she truly was. How could it be at odds with her emotions?
“Can you ignore your feelings so easily?” Chizuru asked.
Saito stood with Chizuru for a moment and then moved silently towards one of the blossoming cherry trees that covered the temple grounds. “How many of these blossoms have I seen since I came to Kyoto?” Saito said. There was a sadness in her eyes, it seemed, although it might have been Chizuru’s imagination. “As time passes, things change. The world, people’s ideas, even the Shinsengumi.” She reached out gently and let a single petal fall on to her palm.
“Are we changing too?” Chizuru asked. “Is that why you’re leaving, because we’ve changed?”
Chizuru knew that he had changed so much since coming to the Shinsengumi. But it wasn’t all change. There was something that had stayed the same, something between them, and that mattered too.
Saito didn’t answer, only looked up at the cherry trees. Nothing Chizuru could say would mattter, her mind was already made up. “Even so,” she said at last, with a small smile, “that does not mean that everything must change. As times change, and as life changes with it, there are some things that do not change. I believe in those things that do not change.”
None of this completely made sense, or explained why Saito had to go with Itou. But as long as Saito did not change, as long as she was still a woman who could look at cherry blossoms and smile, Chizuru thought that he could still endure. As long as Saito doesn't change, Chizuru knew that he could also stay what he was.
Chizuru had learned from Saito that strength and certainty of purpose go beyond whether one is a man or a woman, whether one draws one's sword with the right or the left hand. Surely it can bridge the distance between the Shinsengumi and the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb. If so, perhaps their hearts, steadfast in purpose, could in some sense remain together.
He asked for the petal from Saito’s hand. When she was gone, Chizuru kept it in a locket, close to his heart.
