ficlets: The She-Wolves of Mibu, part 3
May. 3rd, 2020 10:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
waterscrollHakuouki genderbending AU continued from here and here. This installment is Heisuke and Saito leaving the Shinsengumi to follow Itou (who is also a woman in this universe). I threw out the 200-word limit on this set because I wanted to more or less transcribe the entire scene with inverted genders.
5. Heisuke
Chizuru ran to find Heisuke and Saito as they were leaving. He wanted to know why they were leaving the Shinsengumi and why they had decided to follow Itou. Heisuke scratched at her nose, looked down awkwardly, and explained, “Well, Itou and I were from the same school. She’s my senior, obviously. She joined the Shinsengumi because I invited her. So I feel like I’m obligated to stick with her.”
The Shingengumi was the first women's militia but some few women had found their way into mostly-male dojos, Itou and Heisuke among them. Chizuru thought of what it must have been like for Heisuke as a girl, before she came to the Shinsengumi, and what a teacher like Itou must have done for her. It made sense that Heisuke would want to stick with her, after everything they’d been through together. But Chizuru still wanted Heisuke to stay.
“I’m not one of Itou’s followers,” Heisuke said, “but I was and am a national imperialist.” There was something in her profile that seemed heartbreakingly lonely, but her mouth was a hard line. Her mind was made up. But it was hard for Chizuru to care. Heisuke had been his best friend since he’d joined the Shinsengumi, had always been there for her, and it didn’t make sense that she was leaving, even for an old friend.
“Aren’t we your friends?” Chizuru asked. There was still time, if he could convince her...
“Don’t say that,” Heisuke said. “It took a lot of time, and lot of hard thinking, to make this decision.”
The firmness of Heisuke’s statement, so unlike her usual hesitation, made Chizuru stop and listen. “Do you really think you could fight your friends, like Saito?” Chizuru asked, frightened that the answer might be yes. He never wanted to be Heisuke’s enemy.
“I, um,” she said. She was honest and straightforward but didn’t have a way with words like some of the other women of the Shinsengumi. “Hey,” she said. “Why don’t we go to the courtyard?”
They sat down on a bench together in the warm sunlight. “I know that...everybody...doesn’t like Itou too much,” Heisuke said. “But I don’t think she’s wrong, at least not completely. I don’t think there’s much of a future if we continue doing what the shogunate says. I’m sure we’re only disposable pawns for the shogunate’s higher-ups.”
All of Chizuru’s being ached at the thought of Heisuke leaving him. He couldn’t help but admire her determination, her insistance, on not being a pawn and on finding her own path. But was it possible for her? Was it possible for any of them?
“I spent a lot of time talking with Itou,” Heisuke said, “about the corruption of the shogunate and how bad a state Japan is in right now.” Chizuru couldn’t help wondering about the years Heisuke and Itou had spend going from dojo to dojo trying to find a place that would accept two women. Perhaps they’d seen more corruption than most. Or worse things than corruption. “I don’t think that Itou is right about everything, but I do think that Itou is taking what’s going on right now into consideration. And seeing how Itou reacted last night, it opened my eyes.”
And there it was. Chizuru’s own father had developed the fury serum, but the way it was sent here, of all places, showed just how much the shogunate valued its militia of women fighters. They weren’t just pawns, they were bodies to be used. Even a brave woman like Heisuke was nothing to the shogunate but a tool.
“I think we stopped questioning those things,” Heisuke said. “It just became part of what we had to accept. But what if we don’t have to accept it?”
“Heisuke,” Chizuru said. He didn’t want to stop her anymore. How could he?
“I just want you to know one thing, though,” Heisuke said. “It doesn’t mean I’m not your friend. I just want you to know that.”
“I know,” Chizuru said. “I just wanted to stay with you a little longer.” Heisuke was going to go, there was no reason not to be honest.
“Thanks,” Heisuke said, and her smile was like the sun. “It’s good to know you feel that way.”
In another universe, they could have been matched by their fathers and Heisuke would have been the most beautiful bride in all of Japan. It sits unspoken between them, that this universe isn’t the one they live in and never will be, and Heisuke is going to keep pushing back against this bad universe until it gets better, and they might never see each other again.
And maybe, Chizuru thought, maybe if he took Heisuke in his arms and kissed her, maybe she would stay. So he didn’t do it. “Thank you for telling me how you really feel,” he said, instead, and watched Heisuke’s smile return. Chizuru kept the memory of Heisuke’s smile with him for a long time.
6. Saito
“Joining Itou and her soldiers serves my own ambition,” Saito said. “Kondo and Hijikata are mistaken. The expulsion of the foreign influence can no longer be left to the Shogunate. If I must set my feelings for the Shinsengumi aside to fulfil my own ambitions then I will.”
It almost made sense to Chizuru, but not quite. Saito had been Chizuru’s ally and even, if he could say so, friend. “How could you do this?” he blurted out. “We’ve been together for so long. Now you’re just going to abandon us?” He hadn’t intended it, but all that came out of his mouth were accusations.
“Because we worked together once, we must always work together?” Saito asked, her voice dangerous. “Do you believe that I should stay here out of a sense of sisterhood? One must master their emotions or be mastered by them. To let emotion guide my judgement is the beginning of the end.”
Had Saito destroyed her own heart to become a warrior? But Chizuru knew it wasn’t just that. For Saito, being a warrior was the full expression of what she truly was. How could it be at odds with her emotions?
“Can you ignore your feelings so easily?” Chizuru asked.
Saito stood with Chizuru for a moment and then moved silently towards one of the blossoming cherry trees that covered the temple grounds. “How many of these blossoms have I seen since I came to Kyoto?” Saito said. There was a sadness in her eyes, it seemed, although it might have been Chizuru’s imagination. “As time passes, things change. The world, people’s ideas, even the Shinsengumi.” She reached out gently and let a single petal fall on to her palm.
“Are we changing too?” Chizuru asked. “Is that why you’re leaving, because we’ve changed?”
Chizuru knew that he had changed so much since coming to the Shinsengumi. But it wasn’t all change. There was something that had stayed the same, something between them, and that mattered too.
Saito didn’t answer, only looked up at the cherry trees. Nothing Chizuru could say would mattter, her mind was already made up. “Even so,” she said at last, with a small smile, “that does not mean that everything must change. As times change, and as life changes with it, there are some things that do not change. I believe in those things that do not change.”
None of this completely made sense, or explained why Saito had to go with Itou. But as long as Saito did not change, as long as she was still a woman who could look at cherry blossoms and smile, Chizuru thought that he could still endure. As long as Saito doesn't change, Chizuru knew that he could also stay what he was.
Chizuru had learned from Saito that strength and certainty of purpose go beyond whether one is a man or a woman, whether one draws one's sword with the right or the left hand. Surely it can bridge the distance between the Shinsengumi and the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb. If so, perhaps their hearts, steadfast in purpose, could in some sense remain together.
He asked for the petal from Saito’s hand. When she was gone, Chizuru kept it in a locket, close to his heart.
5. Heisuke
Chizuru ran to find Heisuke and Saito as they were leaving. He wanted to know why they were leaving the Shinsengumi and why they had decided to follow Itou. Heisuke scratched at her nose, looked down awkwardly, and explained, “Well, Itou and I were from the same school. She’s my senior, obviously. She joined the Shinsengumi because I invited her. So I feel like I’m obligated to stick with her.”
The Shingengumi was the first women's militia but some few women had found their way into mostly-male dojos, Itou and Heisuke among them. Chizuru thought of what it must have been like for Heisuke as a girl, before she came to the Shinsengumi, and what a teacher like Itou must have done for her. It made sense that Heisuke would want to stick with her, after everything they’d been through together. But Chizuru still wanted Heisuke to stay.
“I’m not one of Itou’s followers,” Heisuke said, “but I was and am a national imperialist.” There was something in her profile that seemed heartbreakingly lonely, but her mouth was a hard line. Her mind was made up. But it was hard for Chizuru to care. Heisuke had been his best friend since he’d joined the Shinsengumi, had always been there for her, and it didn’t make sense that she was leaving, even for an old friend.
“Aren’t we your friends?” Chizuru asked. There was still time, if he could convince her...
“Don’t say that,” Heisuke said. “It took a lot of time, and lot of hard thinking, to make this decision.”
The firmness of Heisuke’s statement, so unlike her usual hesitation, made Chizuru stop and listen. “Do you really think you could fight your friends, like Saito?” Chizuru asked, frightened that the answer might be yes. He never wanted to be Heisuke’s enemy.
“I, um,” she said. She was honest and straightforward but didn’t have a way with words like some of the other women of the Shinsengumi. “Hey,” she said. “Why don’t we go to the courtyard?”
They sat down on a bench together in the warm sunlight. “I know that...everybody...doesn’t like Itou too much,” Heisuke said. “But I don’t think she’s wrong, at least not completely. I don’t think there’s much of a future if we continue doing what the shogunate says. I’m sure we’re only disposable pawns for the shogunate’s higher-ups.”
All of Chizuru’s being ached at the thought of Heisuke leaving him. He couldn’t help but admire her determination, her insistance, on not being a pawn and on finding her own path. But was it possible for her? Was it possible for any of them?
“I spent a lot of time talking with Itou,” Heisuke said, “about the corruption of the shogunate and how bad a state Japan is in right now.” Chizuru couldn’t help wondering about the years Heisuke and Itou had spend going from dojo to dojo trying to find a place that would accept two women. Perhaps they’d seen more corruption than most. Or worse things than corruption. “I don’t think that Itou is right about everything, but I do think that Itou is taking what’s going on right now into consideration. And seeing how Itou reacted last night, it opened my eyes.”
And there it was. Chizuru’s own father had developed the fury serum, but the way it was sent here, of all places, showed just how much the shogunate valued its militia of women fighters. They weren’t just pawns, they were bodies to be used. Even a brave woman like Heisuke was nothing to the shogunate but a tool.
“I think we stopped questioning those things,” Heisuke said. “It just became part of what we had to accept. But what if we don’t have to accept it?”
“Heisuke,” Chizuru said. He didn’t want to stop her anymore. How could he?
“I just want you to know one thing, though,” Heisuke said. “It doesn’t mean I’m not your friend. I just want you to know that.”
“I know,” Chizuru said. “I just wanted to stay with you a little longer.” Heisuke was going to go, there was no reason not to be honest.
“Thanks,” Heisuke said, and her smile was like the sun. “It’s good to know you feel that way.”
In another universe, they could have been matched by their fathers and Heisuke would have been the most beautiful bride in all of Japan. It sits unspoken between them, that this universe isn’t the one they live in and never will be, and Heisuke is going to keep pushing back against this bad universe until it gets better, and they might never see each other again.
And maybe, Chizuru thought, maybe if he took Heisuke in his arms and kissed her, maybe she would stay. So he didn’t do it. “Thank you for telling me how you really feel,” he said, instead, and watched Heisuke’s smile return. Chizuru kept the memory of Heisuke’s smile with him for a long time.
6. Saito
“Joining Itou and her soldiers serves my own ambition,” Saito said. “Kondo and Hijikata are mistaken. The expulsion of the foreign influence can no longer be left to the Shogunate. If I must set my feelings for the Shinsengumi aside to fulfil my own ambitions then I will.”
It almost made sense to Chizuru, but not quite. Saito had been Chizuru’s ally and even, if he could say so, friend. “How could you do this?” he blurted out. “We’ve been together for so long. Now you’re just going to abandon us?” He hadn’t intended it, but all that came out of his mouth were accusations.
“Because we worked together once, we must always work together?” Saito asked, her voice dangerous. “Do you believe that I should stay here out of a sense of sisterhood? One must master their emotions or be mastered by them. To let emotion guide my judgement is the beginning of the end.”
Had Saito destroyed her own heart to become a warrior? But Chizuru knew it wasn’t just that. For Saito, being a warrior was the full expression of what she truly was. How could it be at odds with her emotions?
“Can you ignore your feelings so easily?” Chizuru asked.
Saito stood with Chizuru for a moment and then moved silently towards one of the blossoming cherry trees that covered the temple grounds. “How many of these blossoms have I seen since I came to Kyoto?” Saito said. There was a sadness in her eyes, it seemed, although it might have been Chizuru’s imagination. “As time passes, things change. The world, people’s ideas, even the Shinsengumi.” She reached out gently and let a single petal fall on to her palm.
“Are we changing too?” Chizuru asked. “Is that why you’re leaving, because we’ve changed?”
Chizuru knew that he had changed so much since coming to the Shinsengumi. But it wasn’t all change. There was something that had stayed the same, something between them, and that mattered too.
Saito didn’t answer, only looked up at the cherry trees. Nothing Chizuru could say would mattter, her mind was already made up. “Even so,” she said at last, with a small smile, “that does not mean that everything must change. As times change, and as life changes with it, there are some things that do not change. I believe in those things that do not change.”
None of this completely made sense, or explained why Saito had to go with Itou. But as long as Saito did not change, as long as she was still a woman who could look at cherry blossoms and smile, Chizuru thought that he could still endure. As long as Saito doesn't change, Chizuru knew that he could also stay what he was.
Chizuru had learned from Saito that strength and certainty of purpose go beyond whether one is a man or a woman, whether one draws one's sword with the right or the left hand. Surely it can bridge the distance between the Shinsengumi and the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb. If so, perhaps their hearts, steadfast in purpose, could in some sense remain together.
He asked for the petal from Saito’s hand. When she was gone, Chizuru kept it in a locket, close to his heart.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-04 08:59 am (UTC)Though it got me thinking about what it would be like to play an all rule 63 version of the game. I think I'd enjoy it more if I could choose Chizuru to be male, female, and maybe non binary, and play around with the combinations.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-04 02:26 pm (UTC)But I'm also getting some enjoyment out of writing a male Chizuru who has male demon strength (this will come up in a future Kazama piece) but identifies as a doctor's child and heals and is emotionally perceptive and doesn't fight and is happy to be protected by the Shinsengumi women. He's going to be different on different routes, just like canon Chizuru is different on different routes, but I'm trying to keep him as close to Chizuru's canon personality as possible and it's fun to see him develop.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-08 12:14 pm (UTC)Oh, yes! I love Chizuru as a guy! Sorry, I realise I missed half of my point: I find it interesting that I don't entirely like the idea of a Rule 63 game because I enjoy the individual Rule 63 stories so much.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-04 04:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-05-05 01:21 am (UTC)I'm not sure if I'm imagining it, but f!Heisuke feels more mature than m!Heisuke to me. It feels like she's had to go through a lot more and do a lot more of the work to figure out what she wants. And she certainly does less of the sexist posturing, and she tries to figure out what she should be as a person (instead of just doing what m!Heisuke thinks men do).
And maybe, Chizuru thought, maybe if he took Heisuke in his arms and kissed her, maybe she would stay. So he didn’t do it.
Aww.
Do you believe that I should stay here out of a sense of sisterhood?
I thought this was a fascinating line. It feels more sharp-edged to me than the original (which I don't think mentioned siblinghood at all?).
And I ended up sympathizing with it: I'm a woman who works in a male-dominated field, and there have been times when I've felt the pressure to be not just a person in this field who happens to be a woman and a bunch of other things, but a *woman* in this field. And it gets exhausting sometimes.
Also, not directly related to this AU, but I just realized that the Saito ship begins with cherry blossoms and ends with snow.
no subject
Date: 2020-05-05 02:18 am (UTC)Since in canon Heisuke says his decision is motivated by who he is 'as a man' and what men ought to do I wanted to make this version specifically motivated by and thinking about who she is as a woman and what women ought to do (stick together? fight the patriarchy? who even knows). I thought canon Heisuke was a lot more mature than he's given credit for, he stammers and looks like an idiot but in this conversation he has a fairly well thought out point about how the he's both being mistreated by the shogunate and complicit in its injustices. I didn't add a lot to Heisuke's canon statements, but you're right that they do feel different.
The more I write these the more I think that maybe I'm seeing things that were actually in the original. Heisuke in canon has to find a place for himself and a moral compass as a bastard. Which is not so different from having to find a place for herself and a moral compass as a woman.
It feels more sharp-edged to me than the original (which I don't think mentioned siblinghood at all?).
In the original it's camraderie. Which is technically ungendered but feels masculine, so I switched it. It does come out sharper, but in a way that I think fits. The Shinsengumi mean so much to each other in canon and have a shared sense of identity that is very important. But Saito is right that it doesn't define him/her.
And yeah, the conversations about emotions and identity feels different when Saito is a woman. But in the end the point of Saito's route is that one can have a sense of identity that transcends change and differences. Saito and Chizuru are bonded by their shared sense of integrity and purpose in canon despite gender differences, and the exact same thing is true when genders are reversed.
Thank you so much for your comments and thoughts!