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waterscrollWelp, here I am in a new journal. We'll see how it goes and if/how I end up using it.
Having a new name did help me feel less anxious about producing fic, which I suppose was part of the point. So here it is, Sanan/Chizuru, set towards the end of the Sanan route, after their first kiss and before the last battle, rated M for moderately graphic sex:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/19857739
A few thoughts about that fic:
1. Wow, Sanan hates himself a *lot*. I don't think I've ever written from the POV of a character quite that self-hating, and I've written a lot of angsty people. It's canon, and it's what destroys him in every route but his own happy ending. But it was certainly, er, interesting to try to write. Now that I've had a chance to look at his self-hate a bit I'm quite convinced that it's much too deep to have just started when he became a Fury, or when he hurt his arm. Which makes me want to poke into his past more.
2. I have zero basis for my headcanon that he's a virginal former monk but I'm quite attached to it. He tends to be an all-or-nothing kind of person so I imagine being a Buddhist he'd once have been, like *really* intense about it. It also adds a nice layer to his angst to imagine that he was once a celibate vegetarian and now he's (in some routes) eating babies.
At this point the backstory I have for him is that he was a street kid picked up by a group of monks who educated him. At a certain point he realized he was good at fighting and left the monastery to become a warrior. Which he was very good at and also hated himself for.
3. One reason I keep coming back to Sanan/Chizuru is that I find the power dynamics really fun to write. He's *so* sexually dominant and him dominating her is a big part of what she enjoys about the relationship. But from his perspective, once I got into it, she's totally in control, driving the relationship and sometimes leaving him few or no options. Which is I think part of what he likes. I think there's a lot of equality in their relationship, just negotiated in complicated ways.
4. The piece of Sanan's route that I most didn't like was Chizuru's passivity at the end. Seriously, this is Sanan-route Chizuru, her way of dealing with any confusing life situation is to poke her nose into it and refuse to be told no for an answer. She's not going to sit passively and wait to be rescued. Or for anything. So this was my attempt at fixing that.
Having a new name did help me feel less anxious about producing fic, which I suppose was part of the point. So here it is, Sanan/Chizuru, set towards the end of the Sanan route, after their first kiss and before the last battle, rated M for moderately graphic sex:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/19857739
A few thoughts about that fic:
1. Wow, Sanan hates himself a *lot*. I don't think I've ever written from the POV of a character quite that self-hating, and I've written a lot of angsty people. It's canon, and it's what destroys him in every route but his own happy ending. But it was certainly, er, interesting to try to write. Now that I've had a chance to look at his self-hate a bit I'm quite convinced that it's much too deep to have just started when he became a Fury, or when he hurt his arm. Which makes me want to poke into his past more.
2. I have zero basis for my headcanon that he's a virginal former monk but I'm quite attached to it. He tends to be an all-or-nothing kind of person so I imagine being a Buddhist he'd once have been, like *really* intense about it. It also adds a nice layer to his angst to imagine that he was once a celibate vegetarian and now he's (in some routes) eating babies.
At this point the backstory I have for him is that he was a street kid picked up by a group of monks who educated him. At a certain point he realized he was good at fighting and left the monastery to become a warrior. Which he was very good at and also hated himself for.
3. One reason I keep coming back to Sanan/Chizuru is that I find the power dynamics really fun to write. He's *so* sexually dominant and him dominating her is a big part of what she enjoys about the relationship. But from his perspective, once I got into it, she's totally in control, driving the relationship and sometimes leaving him few or no options. Which is I think part of what he likes. I think there's a lot of equality in their relationship, just negotiated in complicated ways.
4. The piece of Sanan's route that I most didn't like was Chizuru's passivity at the end. Seriously, this is Sanan-route Chizuru, her way of dealing with any confusing life situation is to poke her nose into it and refuse to be told no for an answer. She's not going to sit passively and wait to be rescued. Or for anything. So this was my attempt at fixing that.
