waterscroll | fic not-writing meme

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::glares angrily at pile of drafts that somehow don't write themselves::

Since I seem not to be in a fic-writing headspace right now, let's have a meme: You give me a prompt and I'll tell you about the fic I'm not going to write based on it.

Alternatively, give me a description of a fic you're not going to write and I'll tell you about the squeeful comment I'd have written on it if it existed.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

extrapenguin

Ye Zun's pillar escape efforts go wrong: he wakes up somewhere completely different, as the protagonist of the video game of your choice.

From:

waterscroll

Haha! Okay, since all my other canons are otome novels, he'd end up as the MC in one of those. But not any that I currently play, a different one, made in Haixing, in which you date various different Alliance leaders. It's the kind where the choices you make send you down different routes to date different people, but try as he might be can't figure out which choices to make to get on Shen Wei's route. He keeps ending up with Ma Gui or Da Qing. (He once got on Fu You's route and ragequit, he doesn't read het.) It eventually occurs to him that possibly the reason that he can't figure out how to get on Shen Wei's route is that he doesn't understand his brother as well as he thought he did, and that ends up helping him quite a bit.

Anyway, eventually he gets out of the game and goes to track down the woman who wrote it to thank her for helping him out of a bad place. Turns out she doesn't know very much about the Alliance era and was just making stuff up. Ye Zun finds this hilarious and decides not to eat her.

ETA: As the draft of this fic that I'm not writing is not developing, it's getting very meta. Ye Zun is looking at choices he keeps making that keep getting him on the Ma Gui route and thinking about why he thinks they would get him on the Shen Wei route and why they don't. Like, he keeps making choices that value victory over everything, and then ends up smooching Ma Gui and very confused.

Anyway, thank you for the prompt, this is a fun fic to not write.

Edited Date: 2020-07-14 02:59 pm (UTC)

From:

extrapenguin

Ohh that is one very fun fic synopsis! Especially with a) Ye Zun realizing he doesn't actually understand gege as well as he thought he did and b) the game dev being all "lol I made shit up". I suppose if he ever got on a Kunlun route by mistake he'd figure out b) beforehand, but then again, he might've just chalked that up to the game offering up Original Kunlun, killed by the Rebels, instead of Fake Kunlun.

Like, he keeps making choices that value victory over everything, and then ends up smooching Ma Gui and very confused.
I think I want fanart of this now? Ye Zun's face as he is suddenly kissing Ma Gui but also very, very confused.

From:

waterscroll

Haha it almost makes me wish I could write it.

Ye Zun intentionally and actively avoided the Kunlun route by intentionally not making any choices that emphasized personal loyalty and tolerance. Once he *almost* got on it by smashing buttons at random but got the hell off as soon as he realized where it was going. It's too bad, he'd probably have enjoyed it. Maybe after he figures out what is going on he can play that route for fun.

Ye Zun's face as he is suddenly kissing Ma Gui but also very, very confused.

Oh yes, the unwritten fic would have to come with nonexistent illustrations, especially end of route CGs with Ye Zun confusedly kissing the different love interests.

Thank you for the prompt and the comment!

From:

scytale

This is hilarious (and surprisingly sweet and full of character study), even without knowing that much about Ye Zun.

Like, he keeps making choices that value victory over everything, and then ends up smooching Ma Gui and very confused.

I have to know! Is this the sudden out-of-nowhere smooches or is there slowly dawning dread that this long speech is in fact a romantic confession, first?

He keeps ending up with Ma Gui or Da Qing.

...I think I might crackship Da Qing/Ye Zun, now. I mean. "Villain redeemed by love" and "villain redeemed by being covered in kittens" are both perfectly serviceable tropes, so why not both at once?

From:

waterscroll

Is this the sudden out-of-nowhere smooches or is there slowly dawning dread that this long speech is in fact a romantic confession, first?

Oh, there's gifts and such, and Ye Zun flirts back for the fun of it, but he doesn't think it's serious until Ma Gui is all I Must Speak My Heart Which Cannot Be Denied. And then Ye Zun lets it play out to see where it will go and finds himself in a smooch.

I think I might crackship Da Qing/Ye Zun

It exists!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/24609232
It's long and unfinished I haven't read it, but it seems to be an AU in which Ye Zun is not evil.

But yes, my unwritten fic definitely includes a CG of Ye Zun with Da Qing in cute kitty form on his lap and a highly bemused expression. It's an interesting piece of nonexistent art with its light/dark imagery, Ye Zun is all in white with a black cat shedding cat hair all over him

From:

scytale

Ye Zun flirts back for the fun of it, but he doesn't think it's serious until Ma Gui is all I Must Speak My Heart Which Cannot Be Denied. And then Ye Zun lets it play out to see where it will go and finds himself in a smooch.

Awww. I'm glad he gets to do some fun flirting, even if he doesn't get on Shen Wei's route.

It's an interesting piece of nonexistent art with its light/dark imagery, Ye Zun is all in white with a black cat shedding cat hair all over him

This sounds absolutely lovely! I want all the CGs for this imaginary fic now.

I feel like a lot of pieces of otome art would be better with a WTFing MC.

It exists!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/24609232
It's long and unfinished I haven't read it, but it seems to be an AU in which Ye Zun is not evil.

Yes! Marking for later. :D

It seems like there are a couple of other shippers too, though not writing in English.

From:

waterscroll

OMG someone made a Guardian dating sim AU:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWjUlIypWKQ&t=31s

Not at all like the one I was imagining, but still.

From:

scytale

Omg. :D

I'm a little confused by what's going on! Is SW trying to get onto the true route (ZYL's route)?

(Also, I like Ye Zun's style and his dedication to chains and clothes that must be a PAIN to keep clean!)

From:

waterscroll

I *think* what is going on is that Ye Zun sends Shen Wei into a dating sim where he has to find the right version of Zhao Yunlan. Then in the end Ye Zun goes into the game himself and bonks all of them.

I like Ye Zun's style and his dedication to chains and clothes that must be a PAIN to keep clean!

He likes bright things and to dress all in white. In episode 20 he calls himself a sunflower, and yeah, it fits.

From:

scytale

OKAY I UNDERSTAND THIS SO MUCH BETTER ON REWATCH NOW!

It is so amazing omg. Also I totally didn't realize on the first watch that all the love interests had ZYL's face, oops!

I felt so bad for SW. And the not!ZYLs. And mostly SW. And a part of me worries he never made it out.

This is so fantastically well-made and clever and funny and creepy! :D