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Current state of fannish me: I'm at that awkward place with Guardian where I am so overinvested in it that I can't bring myself to write in any other fandom, but I still have a bunch more episodes to go before I can write anything Guardian related. Fourteen more episodes, and then I expect I will be wrecked and need a good cry.

Meanwhile, I have some very excellent writers reading my journal and I'd love more chances to squee about your work. If you'd like, I'd be very happy for you to rec one piece of yours that you'd like me to read. I promise I will only comment positively.

This counts for people who have been reading my journal for a while, too, since I think everyone here has written things that I haven't read.

( In case you want to know how it ends )

Next up I think Kojiro, since I haven't done any of the Date clan yet and he looks most my type out of all of them.

Now up to episode 23 and I had to completely give up on every hope of remaining unspoiled for anything and go binge on every spoiler I could find. ( why I felt that need, and what I found )

Guardian (at least the TV show) does seem to be a canon in which people mostly stay in their alignment, people get introduced as good or bad or morally ambiguous and then mostly stay that way. Am I right about this? Feel free to spoil me if you have relevant spoilers.

I've been moving slowly through the TV show because it is hitting me *so* hard right now, ( nothing very spoilery, just my angst ) So I'm definitely going to keep watching, but I'm moving slowly.

*

In novelverse things I'm reading and enjoying:

This meta about how Shen Wei's novelverse arc works in Buddhist terms.
This meta about the god Kunlun in the novel.
This genderswapped Kunlun/Ghost King art.
This lovely AU in which Shen Wei reincarnates rather than Kunlun.

Okay, this was the route I wanted. Definitely different from others, and much more enjoyable than the last couple of routes I've played.

( If you want to know how, click here. But it might be worth reading the route unspoiled, there were twists that genuinely surprised me )

And oh, I never mentioned that I finished the Ieyasu route. I thought it was ok but for some reason I couldn't connect to it. Maybe because I am so much Team Mitsunari in every (fictional) universe and especially this one. (Not making any RL historical arguments here! Just how they are written.)

In other fannishness:
I'm still watching Guardian slowly, I'm up to episode 22. I don't really have much to say about it at this point, except that I like Ye Zun a lot and I'm glad to see that he gets a lot of fanfic.
In genderbent Hakuouki,

alias_sqbr gave me a good idea for the next Kazama piece, so I'm working on that now.

I just read through it a second time, and I still feel like I'll need more work to understand it. I'll also need to read more about Chinese traditional creation mythology, because the novel seems to be doing very clever things with it that I didn't quite understand. But even with my limited understanding, I am still stunned by the highly beautiful love story. If you know me, you know I'm here (in fandom generally) for the redemption by love arcs. And this was truly a great one.

( major novel spoilers and forehead kisses )

So yeah, I loved the novel. It is different from the drama but gorgeous in its own way. I feel like the drama and the novel each meet part of the emotional needs that I am bringing to the canon(s), so I'm glad to have both of them.

Hakuouki genderbending AU continued from here, here and here. Kazama and Okita in this one. Since all non-Shinsengumi characters are their canonical or historical genders, the Kazama route is m/m. (The Sakamoto one would be too, in theory, but I don't think I'm going to write it.) The Kazama piece makes a couple of references to Demon's Bond, but nothing essential. ETA: CN for violence and blood in the Okita piece.

( Kazama )

( Okita )

I think this is enough that I might start posting them to AO3, once I have a chance to revise them. I am also not sure what I'll do next. Requests are still welcome!

I think I'm losing steam on SLBP, after playing it for eight months it's starting to feel repetitive. But I'm glad I got to the Ieyasu route, since he's such a major character in the game and I've been wondering how his route deals with him being terrible. ( If you want to know how, this is how. CN abuse. )

I think next I'm going to read Nobuyuki's route, since that seems like at least it's trying to do something different from the other routes, and because he's not in many event stories. Or maybe Shigezane, for the same reason. I do want to stick with it just because the format is working so well for me, I might not have 40 or even 20 minutes at a time to watch an episode or read something but I usually can find five minutes here and there to read the short SLBP fragments that they give me every day.

In other fannishness:
In IkeSen I'm reading Mitsuhide's route, which is quite good and very tropey and iddy.
I have made no progress with Guardian because TV watching time has been scarce. Also I'm having a bit of emotional whiplash and am not sure what to expect from the next episode, which is making me put it off until I feel like I can handle whatever it is. (I understand there's an hurt/comfort arc coming soon?) But I'll probably have time to continue today.
In Hakuouki genderbending, Scytale wrote these wonderful poems for genderbent Saito, Heisuke and Sanan. They are truly excellent, if you're following my series go read those. I'm currently working on Okita and Kazama pieces, and am still taking requests for scenes or other things you'd like to see in this universe.

Hakuouki genderbending AU continued from here and here. This installment is Heisuke and Saito leaving the Shinsengumi to follow Itou (who is also a woman in this universe). I threw out the 200-word limit on this set because I wanted to more or less transcribe the entire scene with inverted genders.

( Heisuke )

( Saito )

In drama-verse, I'm currently up to episode 18 and ( feeling bemused but happy )

In novel-verse, I am trying to slowly reread at least the shippy parts. I am up to chapter 31 and ( feeling like my particular interests are being well pandered to )

Hakuouki genderbending AU, continued from here.

Heisuke and Sanan this time. The Sanan one is a bit longer and TW for discussion of death in childbirth.

( Heisuke )

( Sanan )

I continue to not understand what is going on and have intense feelings anyway.

( NO SCHOOLS????? )

I don't have a lot of time to be writing but I want to be writing, so let's try this: A drabble series set in a genderbending Hakuouki AU I've been thinking about for a while. In this AU the Shinsengumi are all women, Chizuru is a man, and all other non-Shinsengumi characters (Demons, Sakamoto, the Shogun, etc) are their canonical or historical genders. (I haven't decided what to do with Kaoru yet.) Ficlets will be set on different routes. Here's one for Hijikata and one for Saito, and I have ideas for Heisuke, Sanan, Kazama and possibly some others. Requests are welcome. If I write a few more I might post them on AO3. Each ficlet will be 200 words.

( Hijikata )

( Saito )

In episode 15 ( I take back everything I said about this show being emotionally safe )

I see

alias_sqbr is starting this route and will likely post one of their excellent and detailed reviews soon, so only a few notes from me.

( I found it kind of kind of meh but worth reading )

Not sure which I'll do next. Maybe Koujiro? Shigezane? Nobuyuki? Ieyasu? Or maybe I'll replay Nobunaga's act 3 to see the other ending?

Meanwhile in other fannishness I stayed up all night last night reading the Guardian webnovel, and damn. It definitely met my needs in terms of worldbuilding, lots of religion and myth and supernatural and epic world-transforming love. I can't imagine writing fic for it because the worldbuilding might be too intricate for me to really get a full handle on it through the translation, the tv show simplifies things enough to be more manageable. It's also more of an ensemble story, so more points of entry for fic. But I might not need to write fic, this show is so remarkably labor-saving in the way that it shows onscreen the emotional beats that I want to see, plus the fandom already has so many great stories in it.

I'm up to episode 10 and am delighted to find that there is plenty to think about, it's not just pretty boys pining and lusting prettily after each other, although it is very much that too. And tropey slash fanfic on screen, yes it is that too. But right now I'm also struck by the nature mysticism, which I understand was based in Chinese traditional folk religion in the original novel, and censored about as effectively as the m/m romance. Sure, space aliens, we'll call it that. But what it feels like, at least to me, at least right now, is an allegory about trying to love a terrifying world.

Warning: personal reactions to a canon that I am fairly new to and might be getting completely wrong. I've read some spoilers but not enough to be able to think through more of this show than what I've actually seen on-screen.

( nature feelings and pandemic isolation )

I am enjoying the Kyoichiro route very much but so far it's more MC/Hideyoshi than MC/Kyoichiro. I have zero problem with this since one reason I was interested in this route was to see Hideyoshi with someone who can call him on his bullshit. But I think I will be somewhat disappointed when in a few chapters (or however long it takes) MC kisses Kyoichiro instead of one or both of them slamming Hideyoshi against a wall and calling him a shameless reprobate while kissing *him*.

( the story so far )

In other fannishness, I am continuing to watch Guardian and just finished episode 5. I wouldn't say I'm enjoying it as much as sucked into a maelstrom of feelings by the intensity of emotion. But that's good, right? And probably the reaction the writers were going for. I wish I could say more thinky things about it, because I'd like to be able to discuss it, but I am not there yet.

I think rather than get into something I was reading/watching/etc Before it was actually easier to start something new, and I decided I really badly wanted to date a Taisho-era soldier with a dark past and some probable war crimes behind him. I dropped Rose in the Embers a while ago after the prologue for being too rapey. But it turns out that it's only the prologue that is rapey, once I'm on the actual route that's not an issue at all.

( the prologue )

( Takahisa )

In other fannish things, I watched episode 1 of Guardian. There's a lot of infodump and I'm not sure I got it all, but Shen Wei is lovely and pines beautifully and I could watch him doing that for a while.

Between kid and work I am busy and overwhelmed but I *do* have time. Getting engaged with something fannish would be hugely helpful right now. But, I am having trouble focusing on, well, anything really. When I have down time I endlessly refresh the New York Times, which is not a good idea because the news isn't going to get any better the more I look at it.

I am still keeping up with SLBP and IkeSen. In SLBP I'm enjoying the Kyoichiro route enough to get frustrated at only having five chapters a day. The MC is competent and goal-oriented and their relationship is collegial and practical. Also, after all these routes watching rich people do dumb wars that get lots of people killed I am pretty ready to watch someone rob the rich and give to the needy. In IkeSen I'm on the Shingen route, which is a fluffier version of the SLBP Shingen route and I'm not super-engaged by it but enough to keep clicking.

Things that I would like to regain energy to read/watch/play/focus on:
1. Guardians, which Scytale told me about, and I watched half an episode of before deciding that I am interested in watching more but can't focus enough.
2. Dororo, an excellent (but very dark) historical fantasy anime that I was about halfway through before the world changed.
3. Gintama, a completely different historical sci-fi/fantasy AU anime, that I was about twelve episodes into (out of about 400).
4. Three visual novels on my 'to-read' list on my computer: Nameless, A Foretold Affair and Angels With Scaly Wings.

There's also a new season of Doctor Who that I haven't watched any of, and I think the terrible new Star Wars movie is available for streaming (and it being terrible isn't a reason not to watch it), and Scytale gave me a good reason to give The Expanse another try.

Being able to distract myself with *something* fannish would help a great deal right now, I think, and five chapters per day of SLBP are just not enough. So, how to focus enough to make that happen? Any ideas?

...to be updated as I complete the routes

( Hotaru and Sakuya )

( Hanzo )

Meanwhile for my main route I chose Kyoichiro. Two chapters in I'm still not sure if it's a good choice but I'm liking ninja MC.

I enjoyed reading it but unfortunately the plot just sort of fizzled out. I still liked it, though.

( I'm short on time so this is a shorter than usual summary )

So the ending felt like a bit of a letdown. Maybe I picked the wrong ending? I dunno.

Options for next route:
Kyoichiro, because I haven't done a shadow route yet and that looks like the most interesting one. Plus Hideyoshi is in it, as an employer or antagonist or both, I'm not sure.
Masamune or Kojuro, because I keep liking their event stories.